Happy Mother’s Day to the Bearer of Burdens

To be heard, to be seen, to be seen, to be acknowledged – this is what most of the mothers around you really want this Mother’s Day and every other day too! Sounds cryptic, but trust me – it’s not even, let me show you.

In preparation for this piece, I spoke to, and intentionally took time to observe over 50 mothers. My main question was, “What would you like for Mother’s Day?“. I was expecting to hear about perfumes, chocolates, holidays, ‘Mukomana webhosvo‘ (the guy who plays the saxophone while delivering gifts) etc. Don’t get me wrong, that came through, but what was more common were the free things that money can’t buy.

A mother’s role is largely invisible, and easily taken for granted by all those around her, including herself. In fact, I think mothers tend to take themselves for granted far much more than anyone else does. The work she does is largely connected with keeping the family alive, dressed and thriving, yet there is no measurement of how much she has done at a time. I call most mothers ‘Ninja Mothers’ because they do so much, and they are always on the ball, very quick with it.

All this can be hard to understand, so I’ll help you figure it out. Here are 5 things you can do for your mothers, aunts, friends and enemies who are mothers in no particular order:

1. Take time to step back and observe how much they do

Mothers generally do so much! They are always up and about, talking their heads off (because the audience could not be bothered usually) and making sure everything is in order. The next time you are with a mom just watch them and see how much multitasking they do mentally and physically. If you could take a look into their hearts and minds that would be great too! Actually, YOU CAN – which leads me to my next point.

2. Talk to them about what they are feeling and thinking

A mother has a million and one tabs open in their minds all the time, usually they don’t have time to even think about what they are thinking about. They are always busy troubleshooting, problem solving, appointment tracking & meal planning. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the mental activity which almost always snowballs into emotional activity of note. That’s when YOU come in! You talk to mom about what’s going on in her mind and heart, let her let it out as much as possible, and it helps her feel better. She moves from a jumbled up state of mind and heart to a clearer one because talking detangles the multiple threads.

3. Take the load off her shoulders when you can!

Here’s the thing – usually the load that she carries can be shared, but it can be hard to figure out. From number 1 and 2 you can easily pick up what mom can delegate, but is not delegating. Usually mothers fear delegating because they don’t want to deal with cleaning up messes made by other people. It becomes like a double job, and they don’t want that! So offer your services and make it known if you may need guidance. If you do need guidance then give your help when mom is calm, and the situation is not stressful so she can assist you.

4. Give her a break!

Allow her to breathe, a full day with no requests, no referee moments, no issues, just let her go through the day and sort yourselves out. Someone made a mess? Clean it up, don’t call mom, don’t tell mom. You need to know what to cook for supper tonight? Just cook anything, don’t ask mom. Yes – thinking about what to cook can be VERY stressful! Just make sure you tell mom about this day in case you end up interfering with her immaculate plans! (Now that’s one thing you don’t want to do LOL!)

5. Don’t breathe!

Just kidding hahaha! We all would do great with validation, and mother are not any different. Most mothers are always wondering if they are doing a decent job, and how they can improve on it. This is one of the heaviest loads they carry mentally and emotionally, and it weighs heavily on them because there is no prize giving or awards day, neither is there a report card. You can be that report card by telling her she’s being a great mom.

In as much as it is Mother’s Day please go ahead and do all this and more for the mothers around you on any other day. It’s worth much more than anything that money can buy!

Happy Mother’s Day to all the burden bearers out there, you guys are doing a great job!

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