Hie please hide my identity. I’m a young lady from Bulawayo so I’ve been seeing my boyfriend for about 2 and a half years and I couldn’t help but feel neglected as he doesn’t have as much time for me anymore it’s always work or the boys. This weekend I was over at his place and as he was bathing I went through his phone. My suspicions of him cheating were correct except it’s not another woman, he’s cheating on me with a man I found pictures they’d sent to each other of their nether regions. I’m not sure how to go about it because I don’t want to lose him to this man. I don’t know if it’s just an experimental phase or if he is bisexual. I can’t confront him because he’ll know I was snooping in his phone what do I don about this other man?
Firstly, I am sorry about what you have been through. Girl run, never allow red flags to look like a carnival. Ask yourself about what this relationship means to you in the first place. Relationships are about respect and you cannot start forgiving someone who has not even apologised.
You are not happy about being neglected and that is something that should be addressed. If someone is turning you into inspector Gadget and you find yourself as an unemployed policeman, the trust that you have in him has been eroded. It is good that you know he is cheating however in deciding the step forward. Take care to not invalidate your feelings about his cheating hurting you in the first place. You are entitled to confrontation because loyalty is a right you get in a monogamous relationship. Whether it was a guy or not if you were under the impression that you were monogamous you are entitled to ask why that has been compromised.
I understand that you feel that by confronting him it may appear biphobic. Do not make the assumption on his behalf. If he wanted to practice non monogamy, he should have told you due to the fact that you are both adults. I would also advise you to think about why cheating is bad in the first place. Why is it that when you found out it could have been a woman you saw her as a non-threat? You need to be more assertive and own your place in your relationship or leave. By own your place tell your boyfriend what you found out and if you make the decision to stay it should be on your own terms and not his. Only if he has asked for forgiveness and he is sorry because he is sorry and not because he got caught.
All the best in your decision making!