The Tragedy Of Heteronormative Idealogy

Heteropatriarchal norms can sometimes be toxic and harmful.

The behavioral attributes of the one who comes with a penis are automatically taken as a truism. Rollo Tomassi talks about the concept of a Sexual Market Value in his book that is entitled The Rational Male. He argues that Sexual Market Value and Sexual Market Place vary for men and women. According to him women’s sexual market value begins at the age of 15 and reaches their peak at the age of 20 then it all goes downhill after 25. Oh the horror. Apparently this SMV is the period in which a woman is attractive to men, when she is ripe and ready so to say. This is in line with old men’s pursuit for younger women where they think that their age mates are old. From the time a young girl is in high school she is already supposed to be participating in the race for male affection. The reasons why older men prefer younger women are never really concrete and sensible. In the woman who they are pursuing they see baby boxes and fertile maidens who will conceive for them. This is almost like the reasons that a farmer considers a cow for breeding.

• Must be fat and juicy.
• Must have a shiny coat
• Must be able to fall pregnant within the next few months

I quote ‘while women hit menopause at around 45 years of age, men hit andropause at around 70 years of age. On average that means a woman who would like by late teens and early 20s and then fix her career by 30s. Imagine you are in high school and already campaigning for your likkle boyfriend with his two jeans and three tshirts to see you as a wife. I would rather chew a live snake!

So while men can essentially be free birds our whole lives should be planned around men we have never even met. We are supposed to walk around the whole day with expectations of being interviewed by potential stranger men who might be attracted to us. Apparently we must accept what comes our way least we grow up which also happens to men by the way.

After we achieve this goal of attracting some man whose age mates think is a loser we must also be prepared to take up the role of a mother since marriage makes men perpetual infants. We must cook well so he does not eat food that is cooked by the helper who he will consequently be attracted to.

Animalistic traits are reserved for men and are apparently supposed to be accepted as they are. Remember about all the times when you hear that ‘Men are like that’. That was nonsense and I hope that both men and women are released from the shackles of complacency.

This week the Zimbabwean vice president’s scandals with younger women were released. Amongst the leaked phone calls an image from a few years back of him holding a high school girl inappropriately resurfaced.

Where one would expect rage solely on the basis that it was clear that consent was absent in the case where a subordinate is sexually coerced by their boss. The conversation instead was around the fact that the picture of him and the young girl was old. My question is even if it was old what was done about the matter then? Instead the conversation then became about how women need to take responsibility when they pursue men in positions of influence.

The tragedy of hetero normative behavior then becomes that we fail  to sympathize and critically analyze situations which are worrying.  This behavioral trend has been normalized by behavior that consistently ensures that women, sexual minorities and minors suffer the most.

Recently a Greendale woman was arrested for sexually assaulting a boy who is a minor 13 years old. The exact wording was ‘WOMAN CAUGHT BEDDING MINOR’. This wording negated the child’s experience of abuse because bedding sounds innocent like the child was a willing participant. What makes the situation more disheartening is that the woman did not deny but she said that they were having protected sex thus she does not know why she was being treated like a criminal. She added that the minor had phoned her to have sex. In this situation the tragedy of heterosexuality manifests itself again. Young boys are expected to be excited to be inducted into sexual activity even by adults who should know better.

When sexual assault involves a woman as the perpetrator the wording used in reporting the issue is more gentle almost like it’s something that is not even worthy to be heard as news. Thus these little boys grow up into broken men who probably did not realize that they were abused because having sex with an older woman as a minor was seen as a rite of passage into manhood. Not only do these men grow up to be stoic where being expressionless and tough is a forced way of being they occupy key roles in society as fathers and community leaders and live to spread this toxicity.

Heteronormativity is pervasive and persistent within our systems and it hurts everyone.