Why are women stingy towards gifting men?

This year is a leap year which means it’s the ladies’ turn to be gifting men for Valentine’s Day. As I was scrolling through Facebook, I was entertained by the comments section under posts about it being a leap year. The majority of the comments were about how men deserve nothing. So I started thinking, why is that exactly? And here are my thoughts.

The economy (obviously)

Tjo! Times are tough, for everyone. I know this because I haven’t met a single person who is satisfied with how much they are currently making. As the girl child, you have so many responsibilities, especially the eldest daughter. There is a reason why the term is hama yemukadzi and not the other gender. Truth is, girls have been burdened with the task of always rescuing the family from financial ruin. So between the peanuts we make and the black Tax, there isn’t enough money left over to spoil bae properly.

Mjolo the pandemic

Imagine being the Mother Teresa of gifting men. Could never be me but y’all be safe though. The fear of being disappointed and having your heart broken again is what’s holding you back from experiencing something real and true. “A coward dies a thousand times before his death, but the valiant taste of death but once.” What if you started giving guys a fresh chance without the fear of the predecessor’s sins? What if you didn’t deprive this current guy because of the sins of the previous guy? I’m not saying it would work but what if?

Scared to over-invest

Over investing in an unpredictable environment is scary. Ask any of the investors who have opted out of jumping into bed with Zimbabwe. It’s the same thing here. Imagine buying a PS5 for a situationship that could sink any moment like the Titanic. If a man is moving mad, buy a gift that’s bad. If the market is being erratic, don’t take yourself off the market. We don’t see a lot of posts of women gifting men really good gifts. And when we do, it’s a circus in the comment section. Things like, “it will end in tears”, can be found amongst the comments. We need more women to set the standard and start giving good gifts until we can normalise it like we’ve done with socks.

You don’t understand what gifting means

What does gifting mean to you? What’s your own personal relationship with gifts? I had a flawed relationship with gifting people. I would gift people things and I wouldn’t completely relinquish ownership. I wanted to also dictate how, when and where my gift is utilised. When I wanted to upgrade the phone that my husband had gotten me, I asked him if it was okay to sell it. He said to me, the moment I gave it to you, it became yours. What you choose to do with it is up to you. If I was in his position, I wouldn’t have been as graceful, let’s put it like that. If for you, gifting means you are giving a part of yourself away, you will probably struggle with giving people gifts.

You are stingy by nature

Yeyi! You will grow up to be one of those aunties who are stingy with food that isn’t theirs at family gatherings. Her only contribution is overseeing the kitchen but she will budget the dishing spoons like she bought all the groceries with her own money. Next step, witchcraft. Being stingy is rooted in bitterness. Just bitter like is’haqa with anyone and everyone. You can’t stand seeing people happy. The thought of giving man any kind of pleasure is nauseating to you. Maybe start by gifting yourself with therapy and let’s revisit the topic in four more years.

Your pendulum swings one way

You have taken, “indoda must,” to completely toxic levels. You want to be treated like a Queen but you can’t reciprocate to your King. You want to always be the flower but in relationships people take turns being the flower and the carer. It’s now your turn to be the carer and to water your flower (your man). As much as ‘indoda must’ there comes a time when a ‘imama must’ as well. Men need love and pampering too.

Your upbringing

Growing up, we didn’t have front row seats of the boyfriend Olympics on social media. Our parents were the only thing we saw. If you didn’t see your mom buying gifts for your dad, how would you know that you should? We gift men socks cause that’s what we saw our mothers gifting our dads. The difference is, mom gifted dad out of need and functionality. As a wife, I have come to understand that it’s within my purview to manage that man’s underwear drawer. If you don’t, he won’t. Before you go splurge on those socks being sold at the side of the road, does your man need them?

Why we should actually give good gifts

It’s time to match the energy, in a good way. Some of you have been blessed with a solid dude and it’s time to show him that you appreciate him. Moghel, a leap year only comes around every four years, you can pull out all the stops just this one time. Gifting is an actual love language which both genders must be fluent in. Do you even know what your man’s love language is?

If you give sparingly, you will reap sparingly.

As I land this plane, I just want to say that seggs is not a gift. I would rather gift a car than do conjugal stuff with someone I don’t completely trust. You can always make back the money. At the end of the day, don’t give away more than you are willing to in the long run. Remember, socks and Nivea hampers are still on the table for men who ask what you bring to the table. #LearnOrPerish

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