Why “Widows Unveiled” is a must-watch for all wives

The cast of Widows Unveiled

I binge watched the new Showmax reality show called “Widows Unveiled” and finished it in two sittings like my O’ Level Maths exam. While the show “Widows Unveiled” focuses on women after the loss of their husbands, here are some potential marriage lessons we can glean from their experiences, considering the challenges they might have faced in their marriages:

Resilience and Adaptation:

I remember being at my father’s funeral and a lady I didn’t know, whom I’d never met in my entire life assigned herself to being our chaperone as the Zulugirls. She sat in the front row with us during the church service and when the time came for body viewing, she stared us down and whispered, “be strong girls”. Be strong njani? Our father passed away. Now imagine that and it’s your husband that’s gone. That’s the worst time for me to become a mbokodo. It’s a time for grieving, let the widows grieve. They need to adequately grieve so that they can navigate their new reality successfully. Resilience and the ability to adapt hinges on how well you planned for it as a couple in anticipation of unforeseen challenges (not really unforeseen since we all know that life is terminal).

Communication and Openness:

As wives, we need to keep communication lines open all around with all the stakeholders involved in our marriages. In a perfect world, “a man would leave and cleave” but we’re African so let’s be realistic with what’s actually happening on the ground. The show portrays situations where communication wasn’t ideal. You can clearly see that the men that the families knew was different from the men the wives knew. This highlights the importance of open communication in marriage, allowing partners to express needs, concerns, and dreams freely. One in-laws witch was another man’s wife due to communication breakdown. If it’s at all possible, your husband should leave a thesis, will and a PowerPoint presentation about what you meant to him, what he wants for his family when he’s passed away and that he died because it was his time and that you didn’t kill him.

PSA: As Africans, please may we start accepting the cause of death written on the death certificate?

Support and Partnership:

The sisters-in-loss concept was good, in theory. Scripted or not, I didn’t appreciate the underlying stereotype that women’s friendships aren’t sustainable. We were doing well until the group started having cliques and divisions. The show correctly portrayed the widows’ need for a support system and leaning on each other for support. Why did the support have to come from strangers? Surely, in their families there is at least one widow who can relate and guide them through it. This blatantly highlights the importance of having supportive and understanding relatives who can be a source of strength during difficult times. Shouldn’t charity begin at home?

Importance of Planning:

One of the questions I keep asking my husband, regularly, is, “what’s your plan for me when you’re gone?” What are the systems that your husband has put in place to safeguard your future and the future of your kids? When things are good, we forget that things can change at any moment, suddenly at that. I’m not talking about a man leaving you for another woman, I mean, waiting for him at home and Zimbabwe Republic Police calls you to say please come and identify his body. Financial struggles after a spouse’s death might were a major theme in “Widows Unveiled”. This underscores the importance of open communication about finances, estate planning, and having safety nets in place as a couple.

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Appreciation and Gratitude:

I have a genuine dislike for the Zimbabwean adage that says, “afa anaka”. This is loosely translated as, “The dead become good” or “Do not speak ill of the dead”. As a widow cleaning up the deceased’s messes and scandals and having to pretend that he was the best would be my 13th reason. Firstly, you can’t build or get closure with lies as your foundation. As the widows were reflecting on their lives with their husbands, some of them were trying to be politically correct and more power to them. I know I would not have spared the deceased choice words, in the same way he didn’t spare me the scandal and despair. How do I express appreciation for the deceased and cherish moments during the marriage lovingly when that isn’t my reality? In the words of Katt Williams, “winners are not allowed to let losers rewrite history”.

Importance of External Support Systems:

When I envision external support system, I’m thinking lawyers. Really good ones (no offence to the UNISA ones). I’m thinking highly qualified therapists to help me cope with the grief and rediscover who I am now, now that I’m no longer a wife. I would also need a team that can manage the estate, the books, the company while I grieve. I won’t mention any names but there are celeb widows who failed to sustain the company after the husband passed away and that legacy essentially died with him. That won’t be me. There needs to be a clear succession plan in place a someone who has been groomed to take over. This is why we are struggling to create cross-generational family businesses as Africans. All we keep seeing are the generational curses. Jokes aside, I can’t stress enough the importance of a strong, qualified support system beyond just your friends and family.

Shared Values and Goals:

”A problem shared is a problem halved,” isn’t that so? Imagine losing your husband but gaining step children at the grave. I would bring him back and unalive him with my bare hands. Financial difficulties and hidden secrets were revealed in the show and so were hidden children. This emphasises the importance of aligning on core values and financial goals early on in a marriage to build a strong foundation. If family is a core value, would you keep your children a secret? Granted they aren’t your wife’s kids but they are yours. Them calling the wife after you’ve passed on is messy business. One thing that didn’t make sense to me about the late Matthew Perry’s estate was his clause on how if he had any hidden kids they weren’t allowed to claim anything from his estate. After watching “Widows Unveiled” this totally makes sense. If they were hidden from me, they shouldn’t be reflecting in my bank balance. What’s hidden must stay hidden no matter the circumstance.

Although it’s important to note that every marriage is unique, and the lessons learned from “Widows Unveiled” might resonate differently for each viewer based on their own experiences, we need to acknowledge that as we are watching the show, there are some themes we can relate to in real life. This shows how prevalent and universal the struggles widows face are. This show has to get you thinking about your own situation and how you can catch the red flags early.

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