I want my fiancé to get rid of his 4-year-old daughter

“Hie Roxxy,I need some advice, my fiancé has a 4-year-old daughter, her mother passed away when she was born. He’s been raising her on his own ever since he lost his wife. I am now in the picture and we are set to get married in 2022. I am not the stepmother type and I know I won’t treat his daughter the same way I will treat our child should we have any. To be quite honest she gets on my damn nerves. For one, the child looks just like her mother and having her around constantly reminds my fiancé of his dead wife, second, she is very attached to her daddy and I’m afraid this is going affect the love he will have for our future kids. I basically want to tell my fiancé to get rid of her, she can live with her grandparents or we can find her a nice family that’s looking to adopt a child. I don’t know how to approach this situation but I need to find a way to convince my fiancé to let her go. I promise I am not a bad person, I’m just trying to look out for myself and our future together. Please help!”

Dear anonymous

They say children are a gift from God, blessings from above that symbolize love, hope and unity. No matter what goes on between adults they are not at fault and should not be punished because of one’s own insecurities, opinions or mistakes, so instead of directing your fears towards an infant who will have no idea why she is being sent away from her only surviving parent, would it not be wiser to build a connection with her?

In bonding with her, it not only unifies you with her father but also creates a blended family, now I know you probably did not sign up for being a step mother to a child who is not biologically yours, but you must’ve known that the father and daughter are a package deal. Had the roles been reversed, you would also expect your man to accept, love and to take care of you and your child as well, you stand to lose your fiancé if you threaten to remove his daughter from his life, you may think that sending her away to her grandparents will give her the care she needs and sending money here and there will suffice, but you will be sorely responsible for the stunted growth the child will endure because you were thinking of yourself rather than the man you claim to love.

Love is a beautiful thing, and it does not run out, it is infinite and allowing your fiancé to be with his child does not in any way lessen the love he has for you. In actual fact, opening up to his child and filling in the gap of a mother could make your man  love you even more. Just wait for a second and think about the trauma that little girl must be going through, losing a mother at such a tender age is scarring, and taking away the love and attention from her father could utterly destroy her. Now, do you really want that on your conscience? He may even grow to resent you if you continue on this path, and you cannot castigate a small child for something she has no control over.

I strongly advise you to think about what you are doing and put yourself in the shoes of your fiancé and his daughter. If he knew that these were your intentions, what do you think would happen? It costs nothing to show love and empathy and I assure you it is a lot easier to harbor kindness than to harbor hate. Let go of your insecurities and ask yourself how you would feel if this was being done to your child? A girl needs her father and it is neither your place nor your job to try and come between that; the man had a life before you and if you feel that you cannot look after his child then I’d advise you to let him know and go your separate ways because something will have to give at some point, do not put yourself in an uncomfortable situation where you’re unable to fulfill your wifely duties because you’ve failed to embrace that little girl. Choose honesty, choose transparency, CHOOSE LOVE.