When Gogo said, “kneel”: A Cross-Generational Look at Women and Culture

When you pay attention, you will notice that a huge gap is forming between what older women believed womanhood should look like and how today’s generation defines it. Many values they held sacred like submission, virginity, and honour are now being questioned, rejected, or reshaped by young ladies of today, who have simply redefined it as “oppression” in disguise. This has led to conflict at home, shame around personal choices, and confusion about what it means to honour culture without losing yourself. We need to start having honest conversations across generations. Not to throw culture away, but to redefine what still holds value and what is simply control passed down as tradition. 

My grandmother told me something hilarious, bless her soul. Apparently, women wearing trousers is the real reason behind global warming and that’s why we are no longer experiencing normal rainy seasons in Zimbabwe. 

So, here we are. I guess, and why? Because culture is sacred, and we’re scared to question sacred things. Many older women believe they’re protecting us from shame or misfortune. To them, questioning these ideas feels like betrayal. 

But then I noticed this, long before my grandmother even said it out loud. I saw it every time I went back home wearing jeans, and she gave me that slow, silent stare. I noticed it when she furrowed her brows, probably mentally saying, “A girl must know how to kneel when greeting.” I noticed it when she told me a woman’s pride is in keeping herself pure, and I didn’t know how to explain to her that I personally don’t think purity equals worth.

Virginity used to be a crown. Now, it’s a personal decision, not a public certificate. For many ama2k girls, purity isn’t universal, it’s something to define for yourself. Some still wait. Some don’t. But either way, the shame attached to it? It’s still raw, in as much as we lie to ourselves on social media platforms, the thoughts still race when we look at ourselves in the mirror and reflect on societal norms and standards. 

I’m not choosing sides, really, I’m not. I’m simply stating the obvious. Back then, women believed in silence, in service, in cooking with love and in marriage like it was the final exam of womanhood. We, on the other hand, believe in boundaries, in therapy, in soft lives and unlearning generational trauma. Where they bowed to culture, we’re asking questions like: “But why, though?” According to research, 80% of African women in the low-income bracket are the sole breadwinners for their families through trading, farming, and small businesses. With this shift in family dynamics and financial freedom unlike what our grandmothers experienced, how has it affected the traditions and culture which were precipitated by financial constraints?

They called it respect. We sometimes call it fear. 

Today, many young women raise themselves to be bold, expressive, and loud. Somewhere in between is a cultural gap, one filled with tension, confusion, and questions.

What happens when tradition meets TikTok and Instagram? When a girl is told to kneel when greeting elders, but she’s more fluent in “feminism” than submission?

Are we breaking free, or just becoming lost?

It’s an emotional topic, it’s sensitive. Many women have stood up for change, some have crawled, some walked and maybe even jogged, just so we can get a taste of what has become a new normal. 

We don’t hate our culture, we are just… curating it. Like a playlist. Picking what speaks to us, and skipping what doesn’t serve us any more. We want to be proud of our roots without being buried under them. We want to dance in traditional gear while holding phones and recording content. We want to greet, kneel, serve and do all that but still own our voices.

We’ve been handed a version of womanhood that doesn’t always work any more. We’ve outgrown silence. We’re unlearning shame. And we’re asking culture to make space for our voice. 

So let’s stop whispering about this. Let’s start talking with our mums, our gogos, our sisters, our daughters. Let’s have a culture that embraces who we are now, together.

Think about it, if culture doesn’t make space for who we are now, who are we preserving it for?