I have a friend who is troubled, she’s almost never happy…

Hi Roxxy,

So this is the situation, I have a friend who is really troubled. She’s almost always never happy looking at the past or looking at the present or uncertainty about the future. I’m one of her only friends and she frequently tells me that she is “bad vibes” and feels sorry for herself a lot of the time. She wishes she had more friends most people who talk to her only talk to her when they need notes or a charger. I tried to tell her to set boundaries so she doesn’t always end up going great lengths for other people who don’t care about her and I tried telling her that she doesn’t need a lot of friends but she’s not convinced. She thinks she needs friends.

Dear Anonymous

I am so sorry to hear about your friend, she sounds like she is going through the most and I commend you for being there for her and being the support system she may not even realize she needs during this time. I can relate to what she is going through, for a time throughout my adolescent years I also craved for friendships because I believed that it would make me happy, or just feel loved, the reality though is that not everyone in your life can be your friend, I feel like friendship needs to be earned and if it is one sided then it is not worth the hassle. Your friend seems to be depressed and struggles with low self-esteem, she may be at a point in her life where she feels like she is not worth it and that having friends may change that; or she may simply just crave human interaction.

It’s completely natural to want to build connections with people, I take it she hardly leaves the house or has anything constructive to do besides her school work. Speaking from one loner to another, the best medicine for feeling lonely is love, love from the few friends she has, love from her family, so try to get her out of the house, go have milkshakes in town, dress up, let your hair down. I find that regular meet ups or friend dates generally boosts your mood, human beings are social creatures and perhaps getting her out of the house will help her realize that you are all the friend she needs.

If she has something she likes doing, say music, art, food etc. I suggest that you encourage her to pursue that more. She needs to find her purpose and her ‘groove’ so to speak and when she does it will give her a level of self worth and accomplishment which will then make her look forward to the next project she has to do. Building confidence and self esteem starts with the small things, things like “I love you, you’re a good friend, I appreciate you”, maybe you can outline her positives to her, or why you are her friend and what you like about her to help reassure her value in your life.

Unfortunately, there’s only so much you can do as a friend, happiness stems from within and she needs to understand that no one can make you happy, true happiness only starts with you. You can try and help her get out of this dark hole but it has to be her decision and effort to want to stand up and reach out for you to pull her out, she may need professional help with a counsellor or a psychologist, someone who is well equipped with dealing in situations like this.

Counselling is very therapeutic and I will add two contacts that she can get in touch with below this article. Do encourage her to seek out the help she needs, these services are free and are structured to assist and improve on mental health, all the best with your friend and I hope she gets her groove back soon 😉

Revival Church Counselling Contact:
+263784895303
Friendship Bench Contact
+263784845294