Navigating The Talking Stage In 2021

What is a talking stage? Is there a stage where the talking stops? Is it like the first round of interviews before you decide that you want to have a relationship with someone? Who gets to call it the talking stage? I have got so many questions.

According to medium.com, the talking stage is the period where two people who have expressed a mutual romantic interest in each other, get to know each other on a level deeper than friendship, to help them decide the next steps.

There is a whole pandemic. People are dying Steve. Why do you want to interview me when I might not even make the final cut? Why do you want to go with the flow? With whose vagina, Sbu? In fact were you friends with your mum before she gave birth to you? Look at you now calling her your pillar of strength. Isn’t the whole relationship thing about getting to know each other better? Why am I going through an interview which I invited myself to?

Talking stage is basically where one party gets the privileges of a relationship but not the title. We have watched the movie, we know how the story ends. Talking stage sometimes is a way of evading intentionality. The dating scene is a rough place. I would advise one to evaluate the isphithiphithi. This is gender neutral by the way so everyone should feel free to take my advice. If he/she calls you after 9pm everyday like a bat, asking if you are awake and if they can come over. Kindly focus on yourself. If they never bother talking to you until it is time to meet up, focus on yourself. If all your interactions happen in the dark, in bed, in a car and there is never actually an intentional plan on how to get to know you better. Cut them off.

The African child is being crushed and stifled by the shackles of a talking stage. The African child must know that the talking stage is a stage where you are the foolish main character. If you notice the red flags that I am mentioning above do not ignore them. I know they sometimes look pink when you like someone but they will come and bite you in the future. I am not completely discrediting talking stages, do not get me wrong. I feel like there comes a point in life where we accept that some people are here for a good time and not for a long time. In the same breath you are entitled to your feelings. If you know that you like a person more than they like you. It is still more acceptable to remove yourself from a situation that you know you are not emotionally equipped to handle.

There is nothing wrong with dating. Dating involves courtship, assessing each other’s suitability for a relationship.

There is nothing wrong with going on multiple dates with different people. The whole point is to experience these people and decide the one who is the best fit for you. Dating is done by mature people. People who are aware and purposeful about what they are doing. Sometimes we date for fun, sometimes we date to find our future life partners. Who knows? Enjoy though. Do not mind the number. Just date. Just do it. If it fails try again. Stop letting experiment number 20 and 21 treat you like bottom barrel wine. You are more than that. Stop crying for people who would have given you ugly children. Stop crying for people with two jeans and three pairs of socks with holes. Just stop it, I am begging you.

Okay jokes aside. Everything in life has stages. That is how things form. Nothing ever starts from nowhere. It needs roots and some grounding . The way someone treats you and behaves towards you when they are not obliged to sets the tone for the rest of the relationship. If someone’s values do not align with yours do not assume the role of teacher and cool person so you can adapt to them. If someone is emotionally and psychologically abusive to you at the talking stage, run. I am not saying it is justified at any stage and that those who went through abuse probably saw it coming. It is highly unlikely that these behavioral traits are going to change. If you are talking to one person and you are never sure about your position in their life. Leave it alone, if clarity is not clear to see.  Look out for things that people say as jokes or in passing. Those reveal who they really are. The content that they think is funny. The boundaries they set when someone disrespects what is important to them. Millennial culture teaches us that we do not owe anyone anything. I disagree with that because whenever we promise something to someone and we do not deliver on our promises that just reveals a flaw in our character. People deserve our respect when we have given them our acknowledgement. Say things that you mean and be respectful. If someone is under the impression that they are going out with you and you do not feel the same way. Just tell them. It will save you a lot of stress and them a lot of heartache.

However be responsible about it and do not expect them to want to be friends with you afterwards if they do not want to. Whatever you do, do not be that person who ghosts and returns after one year to say ‘Hey stranger’. Other phrases that serve the same purpose as a ‘hey stranger’ text are:  “Are you up” “I have been thinking about you” . Thinking what Joe? Leave me alone! Anyways in 2021 we do not cry for people who show us repeatedly that they do not want us. In this house we do not make people’s children do domestic duties on a talking stage tender. If we are talking and I get gifts from other people. Instead of asking why I am getting them. Think about how you can surpass them and get ahead of them in the race of winning my heart. This is basic logic folks. The larger the input the better the rewards. If you want to end up in a relationship with someone you will act like it.