Penny, for your thoughts? I bet you are thinking, “Surely, it wasn’t that great of a relationship if you two didn’t end up together,” right? WRONG!
Oftentimes when people think of their exes, they cringe because the relationship left a bad taste in their mouth, but what did your last relationship teach you? About yourself? About how you treat others?
I can’t take full credit for this blog post because I did get help from a couple of my friends, so I drew from their experiences as well.
Snickerdoodle! I almost forgot to thank the guest of honour, Ma raison d’etre; if you ever read this, here are a couple of things our nothing short of amazing relationship taught me:
1. If a man likes you, he will treat you right – if he wants you, you will feel wanted, and you will never question it. He will want to see you smile, and he will want to hear you laugh.
2. Communication is of paramount importance, especially when you are upset – it is imperative to say things in the open rather than bottle them up. Do not, under any circumstances, let things fester. MEN CANNOT READ MINDS! So speak up.
3. Learn to listen actively– a relationship is a two-way street
4. Be honest without being hurtful (Some of you go for the jugular during disagreements) – My ex will probably disagree with this, but he treated me with the utmost respect regardless of whether we were having a constructive argument or during the break-up itself. Be with someone who thinks so highly of you that even when they are upset, they can still address you in a courteous manner
5. Your friendships and relationships with others shouldn’t suffer when you are romantically involved – personally, I am guilty of this, and it’s not because I put my partner on a pedestal; I’m generally a lazy texter. The same effort you give into making your relationship work should be the same effort that should go into maintaining existing friendships.
6. Build a friendship with your partner before you build a relationship –I’d like to believe my ex and I were buddies mostly because we still have gossip sessions to this day on his train rides to work (oh, the perks of being multi-lingual)
7. Mental health should be prioritized at all times ( *inserts link*5 things no one tells you about mental health and relationships)
8. I learnt what love is and what love isn’t – oftentimes, the media portrays love in a certain way, but it’s often fiction. Love involves having adult conversations. It involves differences in opinions, swallowing your pride, and lots and lots of cuddles; sorry, I have no idea how that got in there.
9. Don’t be afraid to love anyone wholeheartedly – Hear me out, in the end, you might realize that your love was not reciprocated, but you’ve shown them what love is supposed to look like, and maybe someday they’ll be able to treat someone else the way they failed to treat you.
10. Learn when to say goodbye.
Sorry guys, let’s take a quick ad break. Here is a short “verse” in the meantime:
He’s the guy I’d spend hours on the phone with,
He’s the guy who called me beautiful every morning,
He’s the guy who made me realize I have the potential to love unconditionally.
The problem is, while I was too busy loving him, I should have taught myself how to love me if he ever left.
Okay, show’s over, folks! Thank you for coming to my TedTalk…SIKEEE, there’s more:
11. You can’t be your partners everything, neither should you want to be; you should strive to add value to their life
12. Loving someone isn’t enough to make a relationship work – just because you love someone with all your heart and soul doesn’t mean they’ll love you back the same way or at all. Just because you put them first does not mean they will prioritize you as well.
13. If you have to tiptoe around them, they are probably not for you
14. Stop accepting the bare minimum; you deserve the world, men and women alike.
15. There will be people who will sabotage the relationship due to fear of rejection, fear of abandonment, or fear of losing themselves completely in the relationship.
16. There is nothing wrong with you – this might have to be the most important one because, after a break-up, people are quick to find fault in themselves and start to believe they are undeserving of love, and that’s not true. Yes, it didn’t work out with so and so, but that shouldn’t determine the rest of your life. Do you know how long it took me to find a good barber? I had to go through a series of not-so-great ones. Bad analogy, but you get my point.
17. Consent consent consent! – don’t agree to anything that makes you uncomfortable to please your partner
18. It’s easier to move on when you stop comparing everyone to your ex. I’m going to level with you guys; I actually heard this in that movie, “How to be single” potentially, you could meet really great people.
Relationships aren’t one-dimensional, they all end for a vast array of reasons, but I’ll ask you again, what did your last relationship teach you? To listen to your gut? To listen when your friends tell you they saw her partying it up in a different city after she told you she was taking care of her sick grandmother? To be more attentive and less narcissistic? We are always quick to blame the other person, and when it comes to women, the phrase “crazy ex-girlfriend” gets thrown around a lot. I challenge you to start taking a look in the mirror and asking yourself if there are areas where you could improve,
I am La Louve and I approve this message.