Never Have I Ever: Celebrated Valentine’s Day

Love is in the…nope!

We’re not doing that! I’m typically what you would refer to as the Grinch of Valentine’s Day. Do you know those people that splash couples with their cars after it rains? That’s literally me, except I don’t have a car, nor do I ever leave the house. To be fair, I wasn’t always like this, if I were to really think about it, it probably all started about four years ago…

2017– Marked the year I found out the guy I was with for over a year had a girlfriend of four years. In a nutshell, I was the side dish, the buffalo wing, the snack, the starter, I’m sure you get the point. I remember being on the phone with him at midnight, and he actually hung up so he could go wish her “Happy Valentine’s Day.” All he said to me was, “Let’s not make today weird” #sad_face_emoji

2018-My boyfriend at the time informed me that he didn`t celebrate the “Day of Love.” I swear I must have done something really awful in my past life #sigh.

2019– Five days before V-Day, the guy I was dating sent me an audio message saying, and I quote, “You ruin my day. We are not married; hence we are not obligated to stay together”. I had planned on getting him gym equipment and a timepiece (If you’re reading this, “Do you still lift bro?”)

2020 – At this point, I had simply given up. There’s no story here.

2021 – As my luck would have it, I find myself unattached yet again.

This year things are going to be different. I have decided to take matters into my own hands. Single people are brainwashed into thinking singleness equates to loneliness, and that’s far from the truth. All my single people gather around this year; we will make our booed up friends wish they were us!

I took the liberty of looking up “fun” things eligible bachelors and bachelorettes can do during “Single Awareness Day”:

• Binge-watch a new show on Netflix, watch some anime, play Fortnite (Is Fortnite still a thing?) Call of Duty, then? Super Mario? I’m going to stop now before I ruin video games for you guys…
• Throw an Anti-Valentine’s Day Party! – To be honest, I have no idea what that is, but I would totally go to one (Too bad there’s a pandemic, also all my friends moved away. Can you see the tragedy that is my life?)
• Do something daring! – No, I don’t mean jump out your window and see if you land feet first. I mean go to a restaurant by your lonesome, if that something you haven’t tried before or dye your hair. Do not, under any circumstances, text your ex (It will most likely end in tears and not the good kind). You could also go to the movies and throw popcorn at couples (I’m kidding!) If anyone asks, you didn’t get the idea from me #wink-wink
• Have a “Cheat day” – Order some pizza AND some hot wings. I have no idea what tickles your fancy, but you kids should go crazy! Whether it’s sushi or Chinese food, eat until you pass out!
• Splurge on yourself or your loved ones – instead of buying her that car after she broke your heart, get yourself a horse. Lol, I’m assuming horses and cars cost the same amount.
• Unplug – Give yourself a break from social media and take a stroll, go swimming (That actually depends which part of the world you are in, Southern Africa is pretty hot this time of year), read a book, or  drink some wine (Its 6 pm in Beijing #nudge_nudge)
• Cook up  a storm or bake (If that’s what you’re into)
• Spend time with loved ones – If 2020 taught us anything, it’s how we don’t have much time together. You could try karaoke, game night, have a movie marathon, drinking games you could even reconnect with an old friend (Again, I’m not referring to you ex)
• Watch those YouTube videos under “Watch later”-I don’t know if I’m the only one guilty of this; however,  I have 268 videos I still haven’t gotten to watching yet.
• Start that podcast, send that CV, tell your crush you like them. Destiny waits for no one or whatever Oprah said!

Alright, so while you guys do one or none of the aforementioned items, I plan to get up, attempt posture correction exercises (If you’ve met me, you’ll know I have horrendous posture). I might do a squat or two, shower, make breakfast (I make the best pancakes, by the way). Head to the beach with my housemate (Ahh!! the joys of living in a coastal city). Before I know it, it will be dinner time, and I’ll have pasta from last night while I watch “To All The Boys: Always and Forever” (I might want to hurl pebbles at couples in real life nonetheless; I’m still a sucker for romance, if you don’t believe me, be on the lookout for my next article).  Happy Singles Discrimination Day, Everybody!