Dating in the Digital Age: Are they really playing hard to get?

I’ve always asked myself why I have to say no multiple times when I get asked out. Why do I always have to have a thousand reasons behind a word that’s clear as a summer day in Bulawayo? The word no. Are people really playing hard to get in dating?

No is a complete sentence. Normalize not feeling the need to explain yourself.

— . (@Occultesss) July 11, 2021

Off the top of my head, I could tell you of the time a man followed me to my car and held the door, stopping me from closing it because he wanted my number and just wouldn’t take one polite no for an answer, but rather only got the message five minutes and some thinly veiled threats later. I could tell you of the time a young man asked me to be his girlfriend and I all but prepared a PowerPoint presentation in order to get him to understand that I really really was not interested in being with him.

I don’t play hard to get, I am hard to get, and even harder to keep.

— kash (@iamprincekash) July 19, 2021

So why is this always the case? Why do so many people have to say no fifty times in order for a person to get the message? Well from the conversations I’ve had with young people who are dating in this current age, especially young men, “Women say the opposite of what they really mean.” So according to them, persistence is important, because women play hard to get.

If you call someone and they tell you that you should stop calling them but you keep doing it over and over again that is not persistence but Sexual Harrassment. Draw the line somewhere.#ActNow #SexualHarrassmentVarsitDialogue @SAYWHATOrg @Pachoto2014 @SwedeninZW

— Glen Dhliwayo (@GlenDhliwayo) May 22, 2019

I’m no stranger to the playing hard to get sentiment, in fact, being a young woman, I’m quite familiar with it. I’ve often times been told, “You can’t say yes the first time, you can’t be too easy, say no, make him beg.” At what point does this sentiment become problematic? My answer? Right at the beginning.

In the dating world, the line between persistence and forcing things is often toed, with many young men feeling they have to be pushy in order to help women with their decisions.

In my opinion, this play hard to get sentiment is one that needs to be thrown out the window by all parties planning on embarking in a romantic relationship. A no, should be a no and not an invitation to analyse it like it’s a piece of literature. A person’s answer to one’s advances whether romantic or sexual, should not be searched for some implicit meaning, it’s not a piece of poetry.

One can never know or understand what is going on in someone else’s mind unfortunately, so we must all just take what we are told at face value and assume that there are no games being played until we all get to a point where we are able to communicate as openly and honestly as possible.

So, if you ever find yourself asking the question, “Are they playing hard to get? Should I be persistent?” My answer is, no they are not playing hard to get, if they said no, take it as it is, if they said they need some time, take it as it is, do not analyse, and assume things you do not know. Happy dating!