Mjolo Pandemic: How to Survive the Madness

So recently, I received a message on Whatsapp. “Free Whatsapp Spy App,” it read. It posed the question, “…do you think your partner is cheating on you or do you think your partner is cheating on you or do you want to spy and read someone’s WhatsApp messages without them knowing?” That’s a bold ask if ever I heard one, and a serious breach of privacy. Also as the old saying goes, if you go to the mountain looking for a baboon, you will find it. Namely, if you look hard enough for something, you will find it however innocent it really is.

I’m getting off the subject; why would this even be something people would want? Because umjolo uyanyisa. The Mjolo pandemic has become so prevalent that it’s almost a certainty there are three or more of you in a relationship at any given time. So what to do? Back in the day, that is a good 10 years back, it seemed relatively simple; check their Facebook profile, Twitter account, Instagram page and research their likes, dislikes, hangouts and oh, whether or not they were already with someone!

You would then look up their friends and possibly exes and find mutual friends who could snoop on your behalf. If that all checked out, then you were on step closer towards securing a relationship. But that was then. This is now.

"Mjolo shattered my heart in to pieces" Ku'rough kwa love. Watch Mjolo The Pandemic at 7PM on eReality. #Openview3Million #ForEveryone pic.twitter.com/wrL3R2g8I4

— Openview (@openviewforever) March 11, 2023

Now you have to start the search by sending their number EcoCash, or at the very least starting to, then you can get their full government registered name. At the very least you can file a police report for a broken heart should it go south. Snooping around their friends, family and loved ones is a moot point now, because these days you can rent a parent, uncles and aunts even for a fee.It’s simple really, ask someone of a similar age and desired disposition to play your parent, or extended relative.

That’s not the worst of it. In some instances you get the original edition of friends and family who know full well their relative is trash but will say nothing. So they’re not that trustworthy either. I’d love to say men are trash but we also have female serial daters out there. If he’s juggling three or four women for his player status, she’s juggling three or four men because she can, for the money, or because she’s just plain done being a victim and would like to be the aggressor for a change. If you can’t beat them, join them.

If I’m honest, it’s a messed up world. The values and beliefs as well as morals of yesteryear are mere relics at this point. But we don’t even have time to mourn their loss as the Mjolo Pandemic sweeps by taking us out one by one or three by three. This year for Valentine’s, I’d like tips on how to survive the Mjolo pandemic. No roses, no chocolate, just life saving tips on how to navigate the madness.

Be sure to share in the comments section below. I look forward to hearing from you.

Chow chow, Brown Cow!