How to prepare for your lobola/roora day

Getting married is such an exhilarating time, especially if you’re doing it for the first time. There is so much planning that goes into making your big day a special one. Yes, you’ve probably dreamt about this since you were a little girl, but have you thought about the nitty-gritty that goes into it? 

Find the perfect groom

This is actually the hard part in my opinion. Umjolo is showing people shege, and it seems like there are more people who are seeing flames than people who are enjoying true love. The wait is torture but marrying the wrong person is worse. Don’t roll your eyes at me but enjoy your single era. Live alone, travel, get a scholarship overseas, spend your hard-earned money on some girl maths moves. Treat yourself. Take the time to govern yourself. I encourage every woman to take the opportunity to govern herself between the governance of her father and her husband. Thank me later.

Communication is key

Your lobola/roora day is bringing two different families together who have probably never met before. Communication is the oil that greases the machine to move along smoothly. Communication between you and the groom, you and your family, your family with his family. If you’re blessed to have families that even form committees to help you plan the wedding, they’ll also need to stay looped in on the whole lobola/roora situation. Usually, both families will have one spokesperson that represents the family. It’s their job to ensure that expectations are managed.

Research, research, research

In your culture, how is lobola/roora handled? What’s the procedure? Who should you tell that your fella wants your hand in marriage? I don’t know how we’ll accomplish this because this generation is very good at cutting people off. Unfortunately, you need the village to help you pull this off. Speak to people who have gotten married in your family, get a feel for the procedure. When I was joking around with my dad about getting married, he told me that in his bloodline, 8 cows are the standard bride price required for the women. So that gave my suitor a starting point to start budgeting.

Team work makes the dream work

When it comes to a lobola/roora negotiation, no man is an island. It’s a group effort and everyone in the group needs to pull their weight. If there is one bad apple, everything will be that much harder to get done. For example, if there is one problematic uncle that doesn’t have a filter, he can single-handedly sour relations worse than Apple Cider vinegar. Unfortunately, some cultures appoint specific people to handle certain aspects of the lobola/roora, and it becomes hard to weed out the bad apple. Make sure the key players have your best interests at heart, they will represent you well in conversations you aren’t privy to. 

Know what you want

I can’t stress this enough. Go into this process with a rough idea of what you want. There might be many opinions during the negotiation, but them knowing the desires of your heart helps to move things along. Being unsure about what you want leaves room for too many cooks to spoil the broth. How many people are you catering for? What’s your colour scheme? When are you hoping to do the white wedding? All these details help to plan efficiently and organise your special day without too much hassle. 

For everything else? There’s Pinterest and TikTok. Create a folder of all the things you want to incorporate into your day. A mood board helps to paint a picture of what you envision to your loved ones. Open a spreadsheet that people have joint access to with costs and status updates. This makes it easy to delegate, just in case someone needs to step in when you get overwhelmed. 

Vigorous planning well ahead of time saves you a headache closer to the day. Don’t rush the process, give yourself enough time for planning and gathering resources. The goal is to get married once in this lifetime. So try to enjoy every bit of the experience, just in case it never comes around again.