Silent Struggles: The Unspoken Truths of Consent and Coercion
Ever felt like you had to say yes just to avoid drama? That’s coercion, babe.
Alright, folks, let’s dive into a topic long overdue for some sass and honesty, consent, and the downright ridiculousness of coercion. Buckle up, because this isn’t just another boring lecture, it’s a fiery dialogue about why so many women don’t report sexual violence and how entitlement can turn a relationship sour faster than you can say “no.”
First things first, let’s define consent, the ultimate green light. Here’s the deal, consent is like the VIP pass for any interaction, especially when it comes to anything physical. It’s all about getting that enthusiastic “heck yes!” from everyone involved.
Here are 5 facts about consent,
- It’s clear as day, if you can’t tell what someone wants, it’s a no-go.
- There should be no guessing games or reading minds, ask. If someone feels pressured or cornered, that’s not consent, honey. It’s gotta be a free choice, no strings attached.
- Everyone should know exactly what they’re signing up for. No surprises, unless it’s a surprise party, and even then, only if it’s wanted.
- It’s reversible, and can be revoked at any time. If someone changes their mind, respect it! Consent can be taken back faster than a bad date.
- It’s ongoing, it’s not a one-time deal. Keep checking in, because consent is all about keeping the convo going.
Now that this is out of the way, let’s talk coercion, the not-so-fun force field.
Coercion is when someone tries to twist your arm, figuratively or literally, into doing something you don’t want to do. It’s like being pushed into a corner with no way out, and that’s just not cute.
Ever felt like you had to say yes just to avoid drama? That’s coercion, babe. It’s all about using threats or guilt to get what someone else wants, yes pressure-cook vibes.
When coerced, your choices are about as real as a unicorn. You’re not making a decision, you’re being forced into it, which is a major red flag; it’s legally shady.
Now coming back to our issue, in so many corners of society, the concept of consent is like a game of broken telephone, totally distorted. Some guys genuinely think that just because a woman shows up at their place and is their girlfriend, it’s a green light for all things sexual.
In a conversation I had with a friend, I realised the experience can hit hard. At just 21, she was dating a guy who clearly didn’t get the memo about consent. She told him straight up that she wasn’t ready to lose her virginity, but when she visited him, he decided to take matters into his own hands. “When I refused, he just wouldn’t take no for an answer,” she recalled. Thinking he was just being playful. But what came next was anything but funny. He ripped off her pants like he was in some bad movie, and despite her pushing him away, she felt completely powerless. “It was a losing battle,” she says. After that nightmare, she did the smart thing and dumped him, but the trauma? Yeah, it still follows her around like a bad smell even years later.
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“I didn’t report it because I knew I’d just end up in the hot seat,” she reflected. “People love to play detective, asking things like, ‘What were you wearing?’ or ‘Why did you even go there?’ Seriously, that fear of being judged is a massive roadblock for so many women facing sexual violence. It’s like, can we focus on the real issue instead of turning the victim into the villain?
Experts are ringing the alarm bells about coercion being a major reason women don’t report their experiences. So many women end up feeling guilty, thinking they didn’t fight back hard enough or didn’t say ‘no’ loud enough. That internalised guilt? It’s like a silencer, leaving victims feeling ashamed and embarrassed about what happened.
Take my friend’s ex, for example. He dared to justify his actions by claiming it was all “out of love” and that he wanted to marry her. Seriously?! He felt so entitled that he thought being her boyfriend meant he could skip right over consent. Talk about a dangerous misconception. Let’s be clear, love doesn’t give you a free pass to ignore someone’s boundaries.
The stigma around rape and sexual assault is a major buzzkill. Women often worry about being judged, not believed, or worse, turned into the villain themselves. My friend, like so many others, has been wrestling with the fallout from her experience. “The legal process feels like a horror movie,” she said. “The thought of having to relive that trauma during a police investigation is straight-up terrifying.” For many, just the idea of facing their attacker in court or the chance of being dismissed is enough to keep them quiet. Who needs that kind of drama? It’s no wonder so many choose to stay silent.
@evetorresgracie Believe Survivors.
When courts dismiss rape cases due to the murky waters of consent and coercion, it’s a slap in the face to survivors. These blurred lines create a perfect storm of confusion, where victims are left questioning their own experiences. Add to that the public’s relentless scrutiny, judging women for their choices, clothing, or even their behaviour, and it’s no wonder so many feel like they’re fighting an uphill battle. The societal turmoil surrounding these cases only amplifies the trauma, making it feel like the legal system is more interested in protecting the accused than in seeking justice for the victim. It’s a heartbreaking reality that shows just how far we still have to go in understanding and supporting those brave enough to come forward.
Let’s get one thing straight, just because the legal system makes it a maze to hold some rapists accountable doesn’t change the fact that it’s still rape, period. The lack of justice doesn’t magically wipe away the trauma that survivors carry with them. People live with these heavy scars, navigating their way through a world that sometimes acts like their pain is just a footnote. It’s high time we recognise that while the law might trip over itself, the emotional fallout is all too real. So, let’s stop brushing it aside and start giving a voice to those who are tired of being silenced.
Familiarity and fashion choices do NOT equal an automatic “yes!” This misguided belief is like thinking you can skip the line at a club just because you look good. Consent has to be loud and clear, it’s all about being explicit, informed, and ongoing. So let’s ditch the entitlement mentality and keep it real. No means no, and yes means yes, period!
