NO-CONTACTED: The other side of NO CONTACT
You can’t be a cactus and still be shocked that no one wants to hug you.
The videos I have come across on the topic of going no contact have all been from the perspective of the person who is cutting someone off for one reason or another. Rarely, in my personal experience, have I seen videos from the person who was cut off. What is it like on the other side of being cut off?
Going “no contact” means completely cutting off communication with a specific person. This includes all forms of contact, such as phone calls, text messages, emails, social media interactions, and in-person encounters. No contact is often used as a strategy to cope with difficult relationships, breakups, or to focus on personal healing and growth.
Well, mostly, it feels like the five stages of grief. Which makes sense because you’ve just experienced a loss. It doesn’t matter whether you were given an explanation or they ghosted you; loss is loss. Someone you care about isn’t there any more. Your job now is to survive the withdrawal symptoms and learn how to navigate life without them.
“If you love something, set it free…” If your presence was hurting the person you love, like Alicia Keys in that ‘Try Sleeping with a Broken Heart’ music video, then shouldn’t you be happy that your absence brings them happiness? In Hancock, Will Smith and Charlize Theron played characters who were stronger the further away they were from each other. If you genuinely love the person who cut you off, take solace in knowing that their life is probably better off without you.
I’ve been cut off numerous times. That’s why I’m qualified to write this article. Each time I got cut off, it was different and unique to that relationship. What I can tell you is that all of them hurt because they tapped into my abandonment and rejection issues with my biological father. One of the conversations sticks out to me. She was leaving, but I didn’t want her to. So I begged, and I pleaded (Shaggy’s voice). What was weird was that it felt like we were having TWO separate conversations. For people who had loved each other for years, it felt like we were building the Tower of Babel. That’s how I knew “pafamba satan,” and I gave up and let it be.
The one time I went no contact with someone was because they kept hurting my feelings. The worst part of it is that they were like a porcupine that knew it had spikes but had never been on the receiving end of said spikes. What I mean to say is that they had no clue how they were hurting me. So I ghosted and went radio silent. I think it’s safe to say that I went about it all wrong.
- I should have just said that they were hurting me.
- Then give them a chance to change or fix it.
- And maybe put up boundaries around my triggers and land mines.
To avoid being cut off, you’ve got to do the work. You can’t be a cactus and still be shocked that no one wants to hug you. In my previous experience, I have observed that deciding to cut someone off isn’t a decision you take lightly. You wrestle and wrestle with it. You spend many nights going back and forth trying to find an alternative solution. And upon finding none, you cut the person off. There are many roadside markers (red flags) on the road to No Contact. If you look at a relationship that deteriorated, you can see that there are some red flags you missed along the way. You were in the car being taken for a ride, but you didn’t realise that the destination was Splitsville.
@pholom_ ♥️ #therapy #healingjourney #healing #workonyourself #loveyou
Being ‘NO CONTACTED’ is not easy. It’s an emotional roller-coaster that never stops. All you can do is move on and accept what has happened with grace and maturity. Speak to someone (a professional, not gossips please) so that they can help you navigate this new terrain. Don’t seek closure. The only closure you’ll get is within the pages of your journal. Make a clean break. If they haven’t unfollowed you, then you unfollow them. It’s hard to heal a wound that keeps getting picked at every day. Heal and move on.
