Ladies It’s Time To Smell Your Panties

Something smells fishy and it’s not the fresh bream from Kariba! Make it a habit to smell your panties so that we don’t have to. Your time in the bathroom is private and sacred, use it to become an odourless, unproblematic and healthy person. We can’t dictate what you do with your private parts but when they are a global air pollution risk, best believe we’re all going to be on your case like Paula Zahn.

Here are a few ideas to help your underwear-smelling ritual more pleasurable.

Check your urine
How often are you drinking water? Did you know that by the time you feel thirsty you’re already dehydrated? If you dislike drinking water, then reduce your intake of things like sugar which dehydrate you faster. Also, find ways to make water fun like infusing it with fruits you like. When you pee, check the colour of your urine and the colour of the tissue paper when you wipe. This will help guide you on what you need to do to keep smelling fresh as a daisy.

The color of your urine is actually more important than you think, check this out.. https://t.co/u5sdC6AhfM

— Fact (@Fact) February 4, 2021

Do you have discharge
Of course you do, we all do. What do you do about it? Some women wear panty liners to ensure that discharge doesn’t run rampant in the lily zone. Some wash twice a day. Some wash every time they use the loo. And some need to see a doctor about it ASAP. I think from just the smell and the colour you can tell what you need to do. If it looks like cream amasi and it comes by the truckload, it could be vaginal thrush or a yeast infection, don’t wait it out, go see a doctor and get medication for it.

Do you find lighter patches in your dark underwear? IT'S NORMAL! Your vagina is acidic and has a pH of 3.8-4.5. That's acidic enough to bleach fabric, and that's what's happening. pic.twitter.com/LxpibEK6ks

— Vagina Museum (@vagina_museum) February 17, 2021

When did you last buy new panties?
Did you know that it is recommended that you buy new panties every 3 months? Sounds extravagant but I guess there is a reason why they say that. It also depends on how many panties you have on rotation, right? Maybe let’s say, if you have worn the panties for 3-months worth.

Sometimes bodily fluids such as discharge and menstruation can discolour your underwear in a bleach-like manner. If they can do that, they can make your undies smell bad. If you are dead set on keeping those undies there’s a home remedy to get rid of the odour. Just soak the underwear in vinegar. Vinegar is a miracle worker when it comes to removing odours in the home. Make sure you rinse well.

Hang your underwear in the sun
We don’t think it’s so that it gets Vitamin D but your underwear needs the sun. Wet clothing when it holds moisture for too long without being bone-dry will start to smell mouldy. A skorobho pleads my whole case. I don’t know where the habit of hiding underwear like a state secret came from. Where we hang it on the line but under a towel. Or hang it in the wardrobe and ruin the wood with moisture. If you think they will steal it like in the Enzo Ishall song, watch it while it’s on the line until it dries.

What’s the material of your underwear?
A lot of underwear on sale currently is procured from China, Turkey and the UK. I won’t say where the sub-standard, not on the recommend list, come from. Some of those designs are really cute but the material is not ideal for the ‘nani. Lace chaffs. Non breathable material is a sweaty, breeding ground for bacteria. Some of that underwear is for sexy time where you’ll only have it on for like 15 minutes not for everyday, going to work in the Sub-Saharan heat, wear.

Anyway, let’s summarise our tips for a fresh coochie
1. Drink water
2. Buy pantyliners
3. Buy new panties
4. Hang your underwear in the sun
5. Buy underwear with breathable material

Bonus tips
6. When at home, go underwearless and let the vagina breathe
7. Get a gynae approved feminine wash
8. Shave, trim, wax, whatever tames the bush
9. With your underwear on, scratch your butt crack. If the underwear turns black, you need to wash that crack.
10. Be happy. When you’re happy, your whole body is in sync.

ADDED BONUS TIP
11. Don’t let dusty, crusty, dirty boys smash!

And remember, private parts are not private from you as the owner. You have full access, backstage pass to investigate, nurture and preserve them.