Opinion
7 lessons we can learn from Reesa Teesa’s ‘Who TF Did I Marry?’
Investigate all the red flags and don’t tolerate more than you need to.
Reesa Teesa
Reesa Teesa is a social media personality, specifically a TikTok user, who went viral in February 2024 with a series of videos titled “Who TF Did I Marry?” These videos detailed her short-lived marriage, full of alleged lies and deceit, with a man she called “Legion.”
@reesamteesa Who TF Did I Marry- Introduction #reesateesa #fyp #series
I watched this 50-part series of approximately 10 minutes per video. I was hooked! Reesa Teesa sure can tell a riveting story. As I watched it, and I believe in making every experience an educational one, I wondered what lessons we could learn from Reesa Teesa’s story.
Here are the few I came up with.
Document everything like Reesa Teesa
Speaking for myself, I can hardly remember anything that happened today. I envy people who can remember things from their childhood because for me, it’s all a blur. Reesa Teesa keeps an audio journal and that’s how she was able to keep track and remember everything. Usually when you survive a traumatic experience, your memory is suppressed as a coping mechanism (Dissociative amnesia), having records you can look back on can be helpful. The mind can’t suppress specific things, it’ll just black out a certain time period in its entirety.
Verify everything
“Let God be true, but every man a liar!” I’ve seen so many scams lately and as an avid follower of the #QokiSaga, I can safely say trust no man or woman especially when it comes to money matters. Do your research, run your due diligence, verify, verify, verify! If something in your gut tells you that something is off, don’t disregard that feeling. Investigate because better safe than sorry. This is hard in marriages because “men shouldn’t be questioned”. I’m sure at those kitchen parties you’ve heard them say, “You don’t ask a man where he’s been!” I didn’t have a kitchen party but I wasn’t spared that golden nugget of advice.
Tell your story, own your narrative
I don’t care what anybody else says, women are the greatest storytellers of all time. We were born with that gift. I once read somewhere that “gossip” was demonised to breakdown the communication structure amongst women. You see, if communication is effective, you cannot hinder development. If we can deter people from communicating, a house divided against itself cannot stand like the Tower of Babel. It’s this ability to share and tell stories that also helps women with their mental health. The old adage, “a problem shared is a problem halved,” rings true for women. Reesa Teesa does say that sharing her story has been cathartic for her. It’s helped her heal.
Heal and share your lessons learnt
From Reesa Teesa sharing her story to millions of people, some have come out to say how they could relate and some have been inspired to make a change because they have seen the sign that the flags are indeed red. Someone out there has a lot to learn from your story but they can’t if you never tell it. I’m in the Mereji Diaries Facebook group and I’m learning so much about life, family and relationships from other people’s posts. The lessons you learnt during that horrible ordeal are your blessing in disguise. If you don’t gather those golden nuggets from the muddy situation, then everything you would have gone through is for nought. Some of those lessons aren’t for you, they are for other people. Before you can share them, heal first because trolls will always be there. But when you have healed, and you can tell the story without crying, you’ll be unstoppable. That’s how you truly know that you’ve conquered.
Always have a plan
When I speak to women about having a plan, I’m not just referring to cheaters. You can lose your significant other to death, and suddenly at that. What is your plan if your partner is no longer there to help you out? No one got married with the intention of getting divorced. And yet Bulawayo recorded 139 divorce cases filed in a space of 2 months. The best piece of advice I got when I got married was, “have as many children as you can handle should you have to raise them by yourself.” It’s easy to do gore mwana (every year, a new baby) in the throngs of marital bliss but how many couples that saw each other naked once upon a time can’t stand the sight of one another there yonder in Maintenance/Divorce Court?
Don’t miss the red flags
Don’t mistake the alarm bells for wedding bells. The butterflies you feel in your stomach are probably anxiety. I know I’m personally guilty of trying to negotiate the red flags into a fuschia-like almost burgundy colour. Any colour really as long as it isn’t red. But changing their colour doesn’t change why they were red in the first place. It’s the “letting things slide for the sake of peace” that brings unto you death by a million little cuts. It’s the worst way to go. The one thing your intelligence hates is being insulted. It will constantly bring the issue up for your urgent attention until you resolve the matter. Investigate all the red flags and don’t tolerate more than you need to.
Don’t blame yourself
Julia Roberts once said, “Women are not rehab centres for badly raised men.” Don’t carry the burden of someone else’s issues and mental health problems. The things you endured, the things you survived are not a reflection of you. You didn’t do them. They happened to you. Take your share of responsibility, archive the lessons learnt and move on. Don’t spend another minute on that issue. Don’t elongate the trauma unnecessarily after the source has removed itself from your life.
There are so many life (and marketing) lessons that can be derived from Reesa Teesa’s story. I’m grateful to her for raising awareness on a mental health issue that Legion is clearly battling with. There is so much in Reesa Teesa’s recollection of events that we can learn a thing or two from. We can’t have watched Reesa Teesa sharing her story of a messy marriage and divorce through a series of 52 TikTok videos, and walked away without at least one valuable insight. For me, as a storyteller, I learnt that there is an audience for my story. It might not be as big but it will be impactful to the people who will hear it.
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