Are you tired of being single? Did you spend Valentine’s day alone again? Have you resorted to telling yourself that the dating pool in your area is “toxic” and no one you’ve come across “deserves” you? Do posts hash-tagged “couple goals” annoy you to no end? Or maybe you’ve decided that mjolo (dating) is not worth the effort?
WELL THEN, YOU’RE IN LUCK! Here at Nyanga and Co. we’re dedicated to giving YOU reasons as to why your love life is in disarray – say hello to our answer for everything: SPIRITS. With our diagnosis, your spirit husband, wife, significant other or whatever choice of partner (you name it- the spirit realm has it) will now be responsible for Cupid’s errs.
Say goodbye to personal-reflection and self-improvement (that’s so 2010s), – Accountability has never been more outdated! Don’t let YOUR personal life be YOUR problem – visit your nearest Nyanga today…….
Not all Spirit Spouses can be “exorcised”, and medicines have varying effects, please see website for details, terms and conditions apply.
You’re still here? Well then, PLAY MY INTRO:
Ok, tv salesman intro aside, this is one topic I won’t pretend to understand, but here’s what my research dug up:
Spirit spouses, commonly referred to as either spiritual husbands/ wives are exactly that – “spiritual partners”. As most supernatural beliefs go, the specifics aren’t clear, what I can confirm is the following: The purpose of a spiritual spouse seems to be the destabilisation of the victim’s love life. The why, is where things get a bit muddy, so strap in.
Based on their popular name, the common belief seems to be the idea that if you’re facing marital problems, say for instance your husband seems to have lost interest in you or maybe you’re having trouble conceiving- it’s all due to your ‘spirit husband’. Supposedly the trouble these spirits cause in the spiritual realm has a resounding effect on us here. Interestingly though, if a woman seems to be getting on in years and remains unmarried, then it’s suspected that her ‘spirit husband’ is blocking other men. Now safe to say, spirit wives also have their part to play here – how else can you account for certain men’s infidelity? Notably though, it seems the premise of spirit spouses, centers around women (and I can cover this in future articles with enough interest).
To further this point, aspects of this belief also cover dreams as being a “calling card” left by one’s spirit husband. While those (dreams) of a sexual nature allude to either a spirit husband/wife being present in one’s life, dreams that include marriage, conception, miscarriages, breastfeeding, missing your period (seriously at this point even I can’t believe I’m writing this), and sometimes shopping WITH ANYONE WHO ISN’T YOUR HUSBAND, is sure evidence that a spirit has entered your life.
And let’s not forget the target audience for my ‘commercial’ (I’m looking at you single-pringles) – there isn’t a lot to say to you since you’re not married (and the research project for my engineering course comes first of course) – you guys fall under the “spirit blocking your blessings” category. But fear not, o lonesome ones, as your resident Nyanga I cannot in good (money making) conscience leave you without any solutions – and this is where the next part comes in: Who stands to benefit from all of this? And what do they gain?
At first glance this is surely nothing but superstitious nonsense, right? Sure – but let’s look at the surrounding factors, shall we? Humans are social creatures, we require companionship, we crave it, and so it stands to reason that, with the current pandemic accounted for, we all feel a bit lonelier than usual or maybe just stressed out – either way, throw in the current thesis surrounding ‘our generation’ and dating, “why relationships don’t last as long they used to” yada-yada, and you have yourself a recipe for hopeless romantics who want solutions for their love-lives (try saying that 10 times as fast as possible).
Anyhow, as for our benefactors, who else would jump onto superstitious demon-spirit blaming besides our resident “Men/Women of God”. Of course, I’m only referring to the ones who view marital issues as an opportunity to offer “deliverance” from these spiritual assailants for, surprise-surprise, a small fee [rolls eyes]. Bad as they are, these guys don’t hold a candle to some of the ‘holy men’ who sometimes claim the only way to scare away a woman’s spirit husband is for a man touched by the holy spirit [insert themselves] to, and I don’t say this lightly, ‘touch her’ (you know what I mean, I’m doing a wordplay thing – yes that’s all you’re getting).
And so having read that, it should come as no surprise, at least to my Bulawayo residents (again people, google the place if you don’t know it and/or you care enough) that Byo_memes’ Instagram dating live show: Mjolo Fm, has been doing as well as it has. What catch me off guard on their most recent live (aired 13/03/2021), was the appearance of a fellow traditional diviner (Sangoma), so not quite like me, but close enough the nature of our work often gets confused (look it up). And what was my peer’s goal you wonder? Marketing naturally. Mr Sangoma came on to advertise a variety of his products, namely Amanzi omendo (divine water that guarantees a wedding), Woza kimi Soap (a bathing soap that brings attention of your desired person to you [yibiza biza leyi]), and finally my personal favourite, Bhekamina cream (“Look at me cream” that promises you’ll get noticed by your crush) – for any anime fans within my reader base, think “notice me senpai” but on steroids.
HOW TO USE GARLIC & SALT TO BREAK SPIRITUAL MARRIAGE… https://t.co/IQqXda1DAg @TRJForBloggers@BloggerAlliance@bloggertribe@RwandanBloggers@bloggerszw@9jaBloggers@BloggerRequired@MalawiBloggers@GoldenBloggerz@ByoBlogger@AfroBloggers@TopBloggersUG@JoinBBC@BBlogRT pic.twitter.com/mCrOIVK3DM— TOTEM NETWORK AFRICA (@totemnetafrica) March 21, 2021
While I enjoy the presence of a fellow practitioner on a digital platform, I take issue with the exploitation of seemingly “desperate” people – look I get it, we all want to feel loved, to love, get married and start family (whatever that looks like for you). While I understand the incisive desire to speed up the process as we get older (because life is short yada-yada), I don’t believe there’s a quick fix for any of it.
As your Nyanga, while I don’t encourage you ignore any facets of your emotional spectrum, longing included, I will say this; the focus of your existence cannot be in searching for a “life-time partner”, I’m aware that holds varying degrees of importance to each of us, however a resounding understanding of self is worth more, and arguably allows you apply yourself fully in any aspects of life which involve you (in case you haven’t realized that’s all of them).
Sure, romantic partners are nice to have, but there’s something to be said about possessing a degree of self-awareness that, not only allows you to grow within the presence of your desired human, but does not require the presence of romantic interest to attain fulfilment – or maybe that’s just me? Who knows really, the human psyche is a complex machine of experiences and influences…