A few months ago one of my exes was in town and I found myself wondering if I should reach out, not to rekindle the flame you understand, that could never happen in this lifetime, but just to, well, scratch the itch, if you know what I mean. We were together long enough that I know he’s not only able, but eager and willing. I was tempted. Very, very tempted.
However, I’ve been around long enough to know better than to act on impulse where men are concerned so I sat with myself first. Self, I asked, what do you really want?Was it the glow of basking in a man’s admiration that I wanted? Was I craving lies, sweet little lies? Conversations with yourself are pointless if you’re not going to be completely honest. I got my answers and then I never returned the call when it came. I’m too old to play myself by ignoring my own hard-won wisdom.
When to screw an ex
The question that will help you decide when comes in three parts:
a) what do you want
b) what will it cost you, and
c) are you willing to pay the price?
Too many women have sex with exes hoping the WAP will bring him back but if you’ve never heard me say it before then hear this: pussy will never get or keep a man. The only man you can keep is the one that wants to be kept by you, so stop killing yourself to keep men who don’t want you. You are not for everyone and that is ok.
Sometimes you just want an orgasm and that’s ok, but why go back to someone you left to get one? You deserve fresh sex and new experiences; don’t tell me you’re so hungry for man-flesh that you’re going digging in the trash. Jesus be some discernment and self-respect. I know it’s trash because if it wasn’t, the question wouldn’t be ‘should I have sex with an ex?’ it would be, ‘should I take him back.’ Read the paragraph immediately above this one again, and think about your life choices.
What if you just want to ride that stick one more time, you know, for closure? Baby, an ex is not where you go for that, ok? Closure is not something a man gives you, it’s something you give yourself by healing what’s broken, learning what lessons need to be learned, and moving on.
Is there ever a time when it’s ok to have sex with an ex?
If you can do it because it’s offered and not because you went hunting for it; if you can do it and not give a damn if he doesn’t call the next day;
if you can shag your ex and not worry if he takes a call from another woman while you’re with him;
if you can do it and not get caught up in the aftermath of an oxytocin flood in your brain;
if you can honestly say that ALL those conditions are met then girl, get yours.
I did not and will not sleep with the ex mentioned earlier but there are other exes who…let’s just say, all men are not created equal and I judge each situation on it’s own merits.
Whatever you do, don’t ever have sex with an ex if you think the sex will get him back or if you still have unresolved feelings and think the sex will make you feel better. That’s disastrous and it will definitely end in tears.
Having said all that, sometimes we need to shake things up a little, chuck caution to the winds and burn all the bridges and start over.
Sometimes we choose sex with an ex because we need an excuse to fuck ourselves up, ruin our lives, and force a period of healing and a new beginning. If sex with an ex is the firecracker you need to get off your ass and fix your life, by all means, do it.